I have difficult in-laws. My f-i-l is best described as an extreme narcissist with borderline personality tendencies. He demands that he always get his way. He is controlling and abusive. M-i-l is a passive enabler. My wife lives in constant conflict over how to handle them. She really has no desire to have her father in her life in any way, but does not feel the same way about her mother. About half a year ago wife began a conversation in which she made clear that she was not going to ignore the abuse that she suffered. She was no longer going to pretend that things that happened never happened. Knowing my f-i-l as I do and seeing patterns in human nature I can see that my in-laws try to displace their anger and negative feelings away from their daughter and direct it toward me. When children come out parents frequently blame the significant other for "making their child gay." It's easier to deal with their own emotions that way. This is exactly what the in-laws do, except that my wife was already out and had even been married before. Still, whatever negative emotions in-laws feel about not being able to control their daughter they take out on me.
I hear (mostly from my wife's sister) of nasty, mean things that my in-laws say about me and my family. I've written before about his "just the real family" comment that was clearly intended to exclude me. The most recent (and entirely false) information is that we bought our house from someone in my family and we were bullied into it. Nothing could be further from the truth. We bought our house from a couple of old dykes and if we had asked for advice from my family, I'm sure they would have told us not to buy a house or at least to wait a little longer, until we had more savings. F-i-l actually did a whole bunch of dicking us around right around the time that we were signing escrow. My family was nothing but helpful and supportive. The irony of hearing them call my family bullies when it is they who have performed the entirety of the bullying is entirely maddening.
It's a difficult thing to let my in-laws direct all their anger and frustration toward me. I don't like being their punching bag and letting shit slide isn't my style. I'm considering sending an email to m-i-l, but don't know what I am really trying to achieve.
